via Forbes: 7 Crippling
Parenting Behaviors That Prevent Children From Growing Into Leaders
Who we
are as adults has a lot to do with where we came from as children. Although our childhood
does not always determine our future, it certainly helps mold and shape it.
Forbes recently published an article about
this, and how certain parenting behaviors inhibit children from becoming future
leaders.
Who
we are as adults has a lot to do with where we came from as children.
Although our childhood does not always determine our future, it certainly helps
mold and shape it. Forbes recently published an
article about this, and how certain parenting behaviors inhibit
children from becoming future leaders.
As
you read the article, evaluate your own childhood and whether any of these
traits were present. Did they hinder or help you? Also, consider how you will
apply them to being a parent, in present or in future.
The
list below is taken from a book published by leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore,
author of “Generation iY: Our Last Change To Save Their Future”. He is the
Founder and President of Growing Leaders, an organization dedicated to
empowering today’s youth to become the leaders of tomorrow.
1.
Not letting children experience risk.
We
live in a world where danger is at every turn. Being preoccupied with a “safety
first” approach enforces our fear of losing our own kids but also instills
phobias in children. Pyschologists in Europe have discovered that if a child
doesn’t play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned knee, they
frequently have phobias as adults.
Lesson:
Children need to fall a few times to know they can get up again.
.
Rescuing too quickly.
Today’s
generation of young adults have not yet developed some of the life skills
children did 30 years ago because their parents swoop in and take care of their
problems for them. Although their intentions may be good, when parents rescue
too quickly they over-indulge their young ones with “assistance”, removing the
need for them to solve their own problems.
Lesson:
It’s parenting for the short-term and it misses the point of leadership.
Parents must equip children with learning lessons that will allow them to
tackle the world’s problems on their own.
3.
Raving way too easily.
In
the 1980s, the self-esteem movement became popular. The concept of the
“everyone gets a trophy” idea leaves everyone happy, but research now indicates
this method has unintended consequences. Children eventually observe Mom and
Dad are the only ones who think they’re awesome, and they begin to doubt the
objectivity of their parents.
Lesson:
Raving too easily encourages children to cheat, exaggerate and lie to avoid a
difficult reality. They have not been conditioned to face it.
4.
Let guilt get in the way of leading well.
Parents
need to face that their children do not need to love them every minute. Young
ones WILLget over disappointment - but they will not get over being
spoiled. It is important that parents fight the urge to get children what they want and
provide – instead – what they need. When one child is doing well in
something, we feel it is unfair to reward one and not the other.
Lesson:
Be careful not to teach children that a good grade is rewarded to a trip to the
mall. If your relationship is based on material rewards, children will
experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
5.
Not sharing past mistakes.
Healthy
teenagers are going to want to spread their wings, and try things on their own.
As adults, parents must let them do so – but that doesn’t mean they cannot help
children navigate treacherous waters. Successful parents share with their
children the relevant mistakes they made at their children’s age to help them
make better choices. Avoid negative “lessons learned” having to do with
smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs etc.
Lesson:
Share how you felt when you faced a similar experience, what drove your
actions, and the resulting lessons learned. Because parents are not the only
influence on their children, they should strive to be the best one.
6.
Parents mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity.
Intelligence is
often measured as a child’s maturity, and as a result parents assume that an
intelligent child is ready to face the world. This is not the case. A case in
point is many of today’s professional athletes and Hollywood starlets. Although
they possess unimaginable talent, this does not mean they are of the age of
responsibility.
Lesson:
A good word of thumb is to observe other children the same age. If parents
notice other children are doing more themselves than their child does, it is
possible their parenting may be delaying their child’s independence.
7.
Parents don’t practice what they preach.
It
is parents’ responsibility to model the life they want their children to live.
Successful parents help their children lead a life of character and become
dependable and accountable for their own words and actions. As leaders in their
homes, parents should start by speaking only honest words – white lies will
surface and slowly erode character.
Lesson:
Don’t cut corners. Parent should show their children what it means to give
selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project or with a
community group. Good parents leave people and places better than you found
them, and their children will take note and do the same.
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